I Hope You Don't Remember Me

By: Gloria Miles

An essay. 

I hope you don't remember me. I hope that when you think of your birth, I am not part of what happened. Or if I am, that I am part of the wallpaper that surrounded your room. 

I hope that if you do have memories of me, they are from prenatal visits, from social visits, from discussions, swapping jokes, and stories. I hope that if I cross your mind, you think back of the laughter shared and the deep conversations we have had. 

As a doula, midwife's assistant, midwife's apprentice, (and one day just midwife), I hope you do not have a place for me in the memories of your birth. I hope that you realize that all of the strength that was within you during those difficult hours was yours alone. I hope you never think to utter the words, "I couldn't have done it without you." I hope you never want to thank me for being your strength or for giving you something that you didn't already have. 

You conceived and grew a human being all by yourself. You're amazing. You gave birth to this child. You did. Even if it was assisted with medication or surgery, you are still the one who underwent all of that. I hope you know how bad ass you really are. (Excuse the language, but there's not much else that conveys how amazing you are.)

I'm honored to attend every birth I'm invited to join. I'm privileged in that I get to assist you while you give life to the newest soul on the planet. However, I do nothing more than fan more air onto the fire that is a woman birthing. If nothing else, I provide some comfort, some encouragement, and sometimes some assistance. However, I am dispensable. I will not make or break your experience, because you are the one who does it all. 

I hope what you do remember is your strength. I hope you remember your triumph. I hope you remember what you did. I hope you remember that YOU did everything. I did not push you along. I walked alongside you. 

 

 Photo by RyanKing999/iStock / Getty Images

Photo by RyanKing999/iStock / Getty Images

Gloria Miles is a Navy veteran and mother of 3, soon-to-be 4. She wears many hats as a doula, Certified Aromatherapist, and student. She is currently working towards obtaining a Bachelor's in Healthcare Management, with an end goal of becoming a Certified Nurse-Midwife. When she is not blogging or hanging out with her family, she enjoys reading, knitting, hiking, and mud runs.